Spare Parts
by The Blocking Block Party
Summary: While wondering around the TARDIS, Jack finds a room hidden behind a mysterious purple door.


Jack was wandering about the TARDIS in the dead of night. The Doctor and Rose were presumably off to bed, though whether or not they were in their own beds was still to be answered. Jack was bored. After all, what would one do in the dead of night besides exploring the sentient ship and her ever changing passage ways?

Forever frustrated, with himself and the TARDIS … and many other people now that he thought about it, Jack continued on his journey. Every few doors he would stop and check their contents. While some were time locked, others gave way to his persuasive charm. Knick knacks of all sorts were abundant in the TARDIS: sea shells, action figures, even magnets as well as many other unspeakable treasures loomed before him in the dead of the night.

The TARDIS had been sending him in circles for the past few minutes. He was beginning to want to return to his own bed and catch some shut eye before the Doctor or Rose woke up. Upon his latest sigh of anguish and frustration, the TARDIS seemed to have a change of heart and scenery. As Jack strode down the hallway, a great, purple door with beautiful swirling gold Galifreyan lettering. Perking up, Jack immediately confronted the door. The lettering was indecipherable, frustrating him more, but Jack attempted the knob anyways. The door moaned unsympathetically. Aroused with suspicion, Jack looked around at the TARDIS.

"You like that?" He asked with a roguish wink. The TARDIS hummed, and Jack smiled with an idea buried deep in his eyes. "Ah, c'mon beautiful. You've been giving me the run around all night. Open up for me, please?" His voice whined. "Let me in just this once?" The door moaned again, high pitched, and the door knob began to wiggle under Jack's persistent manipulations.

With a final moan of release, the door thrust itself back on its hinges, and Jack was hurled into the room with the force of it all. Picking himself up off his hands and knees, Jack took in his surroundings. The room was completely bare, sparse of all decorations and accessories save one circular table in the center of the room. Atop the table, directly in the center, was a bulging cloth. Jack, being the suspicious and charming connoisseur of cloths that he is, approached the table with trepidation. Tenderly, he reached out to touch the cloth with a quivering hand. This object, he thought, must be awful important for the Doctor to hide it away in its own room, under cloth and key.

Pulling out of range, cloth firmly in his grip, Jack jumped back from the table to see nothing other than a purple lunch box. Jack placed the flaccid rag on the ground and regarded the out of place object. A horrible thought dawned on him. Could it be another lost appendage: another arm, or foot? It was different from the hand that the Doctor kept under the console. Perhaps this one needed more protection than a simple casing could provide. He checked the doorway. Neither of his companions were walking around, or at least in the vicinity, so he patted the purple door and pulled it shut behind him. Safely enclosed, he continued his investigation and returned to the lunch box.

It was a simple cube with black straps and zippers. Extra pocket for snacks were also included. How nifty, Jack thought. The Doctor would like that kind of thing. With only a little apprehension, Jack tugged at the top zipper and yanked the top flap back and over the edge. He double checked that he was alone in the room before bending over and peering into the cavernous box.

"Bigger on the inside," Jack mumbled into the shadowy abyss. He reached one hand in, shoving it all the way to his shoulder. "What the…" Jack jerked back in surprise. His fingers had groped some familiar object. "What are you hiding, Doctor?" Jack muttered before bending over and plunging his head and arms into the purple lunch box.

All around him, lying on shelves upon shelves, walls and walls, even scattered on the floor were hundreds, thousands, innumerable penises. Jack's breath caught, his remaining body outside of the lunchbox lurching forward in surprise. His hands reached out around him, feeling past their smooth trunks in search of something, anything, to help him comprehend his confusing situation. When his fingers hit solid plastic, he flicked the tiny switch and the whole room illuminated shelf by shelf. As if on cue, the penises sprang into alert position.

Now, Jack was never one to back down from such an enticing situation, and that moment was not going to be his first. Reaching back out of the lunchbox and into his pant pocket, Jack whipped out his phone and began posing with the many different models and styles. He caught pictures of himself in positions he had never known he could maneuver.

"Let's see what the Doctor has to say about this," Jack eyed one rather alert penis eyeing him seductively. Jack almost didn't hit the send button in all his erotic excitement.

Further in the depths of the TARDIS, a phone set strictly on vibrate began jumping on the bedside table. A long, delicate hand reached out and plucked the pulsating device from its erratic position.

"Doctor, make it stop. I'm trying to get some sleep for once." Rose tossed the device to her partner who caught it in his nimble fingers. His ever soft touch soothed Rose back into a quiet slumber as he checked his messages.

"GAH!" He gasped, clutching his phone and Rose a little too hard.

"Wha'? Are you okay?" Rose made a move to turn over and see what the ruckus was all about, but was stopped in her attempt by the hard, never ceasing hold of the Doctor.

"It's nothing. Nothing at all. Go back to sleep." The Doctor clutched the phone to his chest and his voice was nothing more than a high pitched whisper. Too sleepy to care or continue with her suspicious train of thought, Rose let the Doctor have his way and turned back over.

Once the Doctor was sure Rose would stay in her place and not move, he pulled the phone back out. The picture was still on the screen and he grimaced at the recklessness of it all. Grinning cheekily up at him, Jack hung upside down in the room of spare parts.

The caption: Wanna join my ménage a fifty? ;D


End file.
